I hate secrets. I don't like people keeping secrets from
each other. I think society would be a
better place if people were honest with each other about what they were doing
and why. I especially do not like
families keeping secrets from each other.
Sometimes secrets are kept inadvertently because someone isn't personally involved in an event
or situation and so the incident passes and is forgotten. That is more a matter of privacy and
convenience. But sometimes family
members purposefully keep information or incidents from other family
members. Why? Simply to 'protect' that person in some
way? How does it protect someone to not
know something that effects the way a person lives and looks at things?
I believe in open communication in a family. I am not saying that a person should be able to say anything to
another person in the interest of full honesty.
That could be hurtful. We should
respect feelings and emotions in another person and not purposely try to hurt
someone with information.
But just because someone may be hurt or his life changed if
he is let in on a secret, does not justify withholding information. We don't honor that person or respect him if
we think he can't handle a perspective or event that may be hard to
swallow. And we damage our relationship
with the person who has information withheld; we can never be completely honest
with him again.
Life is tough; we can't live it as if the hard things didn't
exist. We don't have to tell someone
everything we think and feel about what is happening, but we can't say nothing
at all. I think it's a form of Lying to
do that. We are not being true to people
when we keep things from them. Even to
some extent, how we feel about something.
It's deception.
I am not an 'every thing is black and white' legalistic kind
of person. I do think there are 'gray'
areas of life where we have to use discernment and wisdom. Information about certain things is one of them;
but we should err on the side of honesty and uprightness, rather than secretiveness,
vagueness, deceptive talk or half-truths.
Just think if everyone around you knew something about you
that you yourself did not know. Some surprises are like that; your husband
plans a birthday party or celebration for you and wants it to be a
surprise. But what if it's knowing that
a close family member is in trouble or that your son is leaving college to go
into the military or your husband lost his job and hasn't told you yet. Those are 'surprises' that we cannot plan for
but we must disclose to those who need to know. It is dishonest to not tell someone
something because they will be upset, or in shock, or disturbed by the
news.
Keeping secrets that are life-changing from someone whose
life will be changed by them may disturb me so much because I am good at
keeping someone else's secrets. I've
kept secrets through the years when a
friend or family member has confided in me for advice or encouragement or
prayer. Those confidences weren't mine
to divulge, but there are every day secrets that are better to be made
known. I've seen my share of those in my
family, too, and I've cringed when asked not to 'tell' mom or dad or sister or
whomever.
Secrets get harder and harder to reveal as time goes by and
as the deception grows with time so does the outcome of telling that one person
who was kept in the dark. Betrayal and
distrust are fomented with a secret that is kept too long. Is it worth the pain of the present to bring
on deeper pain in the future when all is revealed? Or is it worth the guilt that comes with
keeping the secret for years, or the fear that you or someone else may slip up
and reveal it accidentally?
God has kept some things secret from us, his
image-bearers. We do not know the secret
will of God as it is worked out in our own life and in this world. But we do know all that we need to know to
love our Creator-Redeemer and to Serve Him in this life and the next. Some secrets must be kept to protect the
innocent or to prevent gossip or to uphold the integrity and respect for an
individual or entity. But many secrets should never have become
secrets; we are not God and we must trust Him enough to deal with the
consequence of revealing what needs to be revealed to the person who needs to
know and hear.