Secrets

I hate secrets. I don't like people keeping secrets from each other.  I think society would be a better place if people were honest with each other about what they were doing and why.  I especially do not like families keeping secrets from each other.  Sometimes secrets are kept inadvertently because  someone isn't personally involved in an event or situation and so the incident passes and is forgotten.  That is more a matter of privacy and convenience.  But sometimes family members purposefully keep information or incidents from other family members.  Why?  Simply to 'protect' that person in some way?  How does it protect someone to not know something that effects the way a person lives and looks at things?

I believe in open communication in a family.  I am not saying that a  person should be able to say anything to another person in the interest of full honesty.  That could be hurtful.  We should respect feelings and emotions in another person and not purposely try to hurt someone with information. 

But just because someone may be hurt or his life changed if he is let in on a secret, does not justify withholding information.   We don't honor that person or respect him if we think he can't handle a perspective or event that may be hard to swallow.   And we damage our relationship with the person who has information withheld; we can never be completely honest with him again. 

Life is tough; we can't live it as if the hard things didn't exist.  We don't have to tell someone everything we think and feel about what is happening, but we can't say nothing at all.  I think it's a form of Lying to do that.  We are not being true to people when we keep things from them.  Even to some extent, how we feel about something.  It's deception. 

I am not an 'every thing is black and white' legalistic kind of person.  I do think there are 'gray' areas of life where we have to use discernment and wisdom.  Information about certain things is one of them; but we should err on the side of honesty and uprightness, rather than secretiveness, vagueness, deceptive talk or half-truths. 

Just think if everyone around you knew something about you that you yourself did  not know.  Some surprises are like that; your husband plans a birthday party or celebration for you and wants it to be a surprise.  But what if it's knowing that a close family member is in trouble or that your son is leaving college to go into the military or your husband lost his job and hasn't told you yet.  Those are 'surprises' that we cannot plan for but we must disclose to those who need to know.   It is dishonest to not tell someone something because they will be upset, or in shock, or disturbed by the news. 

Keeping secrets that are life-changing from someone whose life will be changed by them may disturb me so much because I am good at keeping someone else's secrets.  I've kept  secrets through the years when a friend or family member has confided in me for advice or encouragement or prayer.  Those confidences weren't mine to divulge, but there are every day secrets that are better to be made known.  I've seen my share of those in my family, too, and I've cringed when asked not to 'tell' mom or dad or sister or whomever. 

Secrets get harder and harder to reveal as time goes by and as the deception grows with time so does the outcome of telling that one person who was kept in the dark.  Betrayal and distrust are fomented with a secret that is kept too long.  Is it worth the pain of the present to bring on deeper pain in the future when all is revealed?  Or is it worth the guilt that comes with keeping the secret for years, or the fear that you or someone else may slip up and reveal it accidentally?

God has kept some things secret from us, his image-bearers.  We do not know the secret will of God as it is worked out in our own life and in this world.  But we do know all that we need to know to love our Creator-Redeemer and to Serve Him in this life and the next.    Some secrets must be kept to protect the innocent or to prevent gossip or to uphold the integrity and respect for an individual  or entity.  But many secrets should never have become secrets; we are not God and we must trust Him enough to deal with the consequence of revealing what needs to be revealed to the person who needs to know and hear.