It's all relative

Relationships are difficult. They are also hard work. Sometimes it just doesn't seem the worth the effort. But of course, when things are going well in a relationship, the blessings that one reaps are worth the time, energy, and emotion involved in keeping it healthy and strong.  And we, as humans, need relationship.

There are all kinds of relationships.  And all of them give us identity.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  Each of these titles means that I have a relationship with someone; they define me in some way.  I have relationships with my immediate family, with my extended family, with my church family, with my fellow home school moms, even with my dentist.  And each relationship has an unwritten set of rules or expectations.  If I don't follow those 'rules', I've broken the relationship or damaged it.  

But relationships are not one-sided.  It takes two to have a relationship.  I can uphold my end of a relationship to the best of my ability by following the rules or expectations, but in the end, if the other person in the relationship does not follow those rules, then our relationship will only go so far.  It will wither and eventually die on the vine because it can not only be fed by one person.  This means that relationships are conditional; they depend on more than just me.  

What is my responsibility in relationships?  What are the rules I must follow?  What is expected of me?  It depends on the kind of relationship.  I can only have a relationship with my dentist if I make an appointment, keep it, and she does what I pay her to do competently.  I have expectations of how I think I should be treated by her; she expects me to keep coming back to her for treatment (and of course she expects to be paid for her services.)  But my relationship with my husband requires much more.  It is my most intimate relationship with another person and I must nourish, cherish, and work at it every day in order for it to grow and bear fruit.  Again, though, if my husband does not also work at our relationship, it will not be as healthy as it could be. It may fail if only one of us works at it.  

The highest 'rule' in a relationship involves trust;  we trust each other to make time and to commit to be involved with each other enough to fulfill what we expect to get out of our relationship: love, friendship, encouragement, help--whatever it is that defines how we are related.  If that trust is broken by lack of communication, unkindness, or some other kind of separation, then the relationship changes and may not be sustained for long. 

I pray frequently that I may be responsible and honorable in all my relationships.  I pray that I may be a good wife and mother, a good daughter and sister, a good friend and neighbor.  I am sad when my relationships falter because I have not been as committed to them as I ought, or the other person has allowed them to dwindle.  I grieve when a relationship that was once healthy and strong shows signs of illness and disease. 

I sometimes don't know what to do when a relationship I have with someone falters.  I love the people that I have involved time and energy with, who I am related to either by blood, common faith, or common interests. When the desire to keep a relationship healthy and strong is not reciprocated by the other person, what does one do?  I don't have the answer to that, except to pray for the relationship, and to not allow resentment, frustration, or anger to rule my heart as I try to accept the outcome. 

Even the most important relationship I live for can be dry at times.  My relationship with my Father in heaven is secure in the knowledge that He will never leave me or forsake me, and that nothing can separate me from His love.  But I can be lukewarm to Him. I can take my love for Him for granted, and get lazy about nurturing and growing closer to Him.  And when my relationship to my Lord and Savior is not bearing fruit, then all my earthly relationships suffer, too.  I must love God with all my heart, my mind, my soul, my strength before I can love my neighbor.  

Some relationships aren't worth the work that may go into them.  If a person is rude or selfish every time I interact with her, I naturally will avoid that relationship or may even put an end to it if it I can.  But some relationships are here to stay; you cannot stop being a sister, or a daughter, or even a fellow Christian to someone who is a difficult person to like or love.  Those difficult relationships remind me that I must in one respect love others unconditionally, just as I am loved by my Father.  He loves his children who are unlovely, stained with sin, and constantly failing in relationship with him.  So I must also forgive, forget, put hurt feelings or bad experiences behind me and move forward with optimistic hope that my difficult relationships will become easier as the Lord governs them and rules in my life, showing me how to love.