Have you ever prayed for a complete stranger? I don't mean praying for someone who you don't know personally. We've all prayed for the missionary family in Africa or South America whose prayer letters are dispersed through our churches. I mean someone who you see in the grocery store or on the street, who you will most likely never see again, have no relationship with except a one-time sighting. Or maybe you haven't seen the stranger, just know he or she exists.
When I was in high school I remember clearly something my history teacher said. She was my favorite teacher; she made history come alive by talking about people and events in the past as if she were telling her class a story. But the only words I remember clearly from her now 30 years later told me something about her own life that she probably didn't realize she was revealing.
She gently ridiculed Christians as she taught us about early Western civilization, the Crusades, or the era of Renaissance and Reformation. But her words one day are seared into my brain, probably because I had so much respect for her as a teacher. She spoke in a mocking tone. "There are people who believe that God has a plan for everyone and that He does plan and carry out His purposes in circumstances as mundane as whether they will be get a red light or a green one while driving, or what they should eat or drink, or whether they should wear this dress or that one. As if God cares about each person on such a personal level or that He controls the world in such a minute and detailed way. That kind of blind faith has been the cause of some awful events in history. "
Her comment stuck with me. I think because I felt she was targeting me personally (she was, whether she meant to or not). She thought that kind of faith was naive and even dangerous. But you may be wondering what this has to do with praying for strangers? Well, as I wrestled with her view of Christians, I realized that my relationship with God was based on just such a 'naive' faith. In my mind, it was reassuring and a comfort, in her mind, it was simple, silly, and child-like. I prayed for her that day and have prayed for her again and again over the years when that incident is brought to my mind.
Even while I was ridiculed indirectly for my 'child-like' faith, I was exercising that same faith through prayer. I think that incident helped to contribute to my habit of praying for people I don't know who may be facing situations that are stressful. When I hear an emergency vehicle barreling down the highway or on the streets of my neighborhood, I pray for the person who is waiting for their response. I don't know what is happening, but I can hear the siren, so I ask God to be there and to be glorified through it. I don't have to know what effect my prayer has; what I do know is that I am hearing the distress call and that I can ask for help from the One who sovereignly ordains all that will come to pass.
Today on my walk I saw a woman packing up her car and noticed that her garage was full of boxes, like she was moving. Her house is not for sale, but someone is leaving it. I prayed for her situation, asking God to work in the lives of those who live there, that His will may be done and that they would submit to Him and come to Him if they don't know Him. After praying, I wondered if I am presuming on God in some way. But I know that even though I don't know the person or situation, He does. Is it ever the wrong time to pray? I know I can pray for the wrong things. I know that my prayers are as imperfect as I am; but I also trust that God will use the intercession as He sees fit. And that I am called to intercede through prayer when I know someone is in trouble.
A friend shared with me years ago that she prays for people who the Lord brings to her mind throughout the day. I have used that model as my own, praying for people that I think about when I think about them, and praying for people especially when I've told them that I will pray for them. It's not just about words or good intentions. It's an act of obedience to ask the Lord to govern and intercede in this world so that He can further His kingdom and His glory. I know that He is using my quick prayers throughout the day to strengthen my faith, if not for any other reason.
We are to pray without ceasing. I see prayer as a dialogue with my creator, as an open communication with my heavenly Father. I am trying to cultivate a prayer life that reminds me in whom I put my trust and "I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." (I Timothy 1:12)
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Family relations
My dad's brother died a few weeks ago. Uncle Earl was the oldest of three boys; Dad is the youngest. My parents didn't learn of his death until a few days later when my sister saw something on facebook and quickly contacted my parents to see if they knew anything.
My dad was re-connected with his brothers after about 30 years of time and distance separated them as surely as differences in faith and values had. I first met my Uncle Earl (the first time I can remember) while visiting my parents about 12 years ago. It was surreal. To know that there was a man who was so similiar to my dad, talked like him, looked like him, shared childhood experiences with him. He was an engaging man and I enjoyed the few visits I had with him. More importantly, my dad enjoyed renewing his relationship with his brother over the last few years.
A few years ago all three brothers were gathered around a dining room table reminiscing about their childhood years, telling stories about cars, jobs, people, events that took place 50 years ago. I felt blessed to sit and listen even though I didn't know who they were talking about. Our extended family doesn't gather together very often and it was a unique, never-to-be-repeated evening of connections.
Watching my dad interact with his brothers, hearing and seeing the similiarities and the differences between them, reminded me that blood binds us to our sisters, brothers, parents, grandparents, even if we are separated from them by time, distance, or belief. We look like them, we sound like them, we may share personality traits (whether we want to admit it or not), we share a common beginning. We have a whole lifetime to either grow together or grow apart. Or both. I vote for growing closer together, at least as it applies to my own brothers, sisters, parents.
My dad was re-connected with his brothers after about 30 years of time and distance separated them as surely as differences in faith and values had. I first met my Uncle Earl (the first time I can remember) while visiting my parents about 12 years ago. It was surreal. To know that there was a man who was so similiar to my dad, talked like him, looked like him, shared childhood experiences with him. He was an engaging man and I enjoyed the few visits I had with him. More importantly, my dad enjoyed renewing his relationship with his brother over the last few years.
A few years ago all three brothers were gathered around a dining room table reminiscing about their childhood years, telling stories about cars, jobs, people, events that took place 50 years ago. I felt blessed to sit and listen even though I didn't know who they were talking about. Our extended family doesn't gather together very often and it was a unique, never-to-be-repeated evening of connections.
Watching my dad interact with his brothers, hearing and seeing the similiarities and the differences between them, reminded me that blood binds us to our sisters, brothers, parents, grandparents, even if we are separated from them by time, distance, or belief. We look like them, we sound like them, we may share personality traits (whether we want to admit it or not), we share a common beginning. We have a whole lifetime to either grow together or grow apart. Or both. I vote for growing closer together, at least as it applies to my own brothers, sisters, parents.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Do I Know You?
I just met two women whom I have communicated with by email but did not know as live human beings until yesterday afternoon. We had a meeting at one woman's house to discuss upcoming school activities. The hostess introduced herself and proceeded to tell me and the other woman all about herself. Not really all about herself--who can do that?--but I learned a great deal about her life in the past year and even longer through a 10-15 minute "let me tell you about myself" conversation.
The things both these women communicated to me were personal, life-changing events that shaped who they are and gave a glimpse into what things they hold dear. I can tell you that the hostess loves her family; her short history entailed stories of her children, her husband, her parents, even her grandparents. The 2nd woman gave a glimpse of her marriage to us as she shared a big decision she and her husband made about their family.
Both these women told me more about themselves than what they said in words or stories. I learned a little about each of their personalities as I listened to them share their life, their priorities, their testimony about God and His care for them. I learned that they were 'open' or 'transparent' people.
Today I discovered something about our piano teacher that revealed a secret identity of hers to our family. I am somewhat shocked about what I learned, not because it's awful, but because it gives me a such a different picture of who she is. I thought I knew her; now I feel that what I knew wasn't all there was to know.
I'm sure that can be said for everyone I meet. Who do I really know? How much of herself does a person let me see? I was not nearly as forthcoming with the two women I met yesterday as they were with me. I wondered if I should mention events in my life that were triggered in my mind after hearing their stories. But I didn't. Not because I didn't like them or that I wanted to hide something from them; only because I don't really 'know' them as friends or confidantes.
Maybe that is why our family didn't know the secret identity of our piano teacher. Our relationship with her is a professional, business relationship. I wonder if she didn't tell us about what she does besides teaching piano because she knows enough about us to think it would effect our relationship with her. She really wasn't keeping it a secret; it is just a part of her that she doesn't advertise or broadcast to her piano student families. It gave us a new perspective into who she is.
What do I really know about someone, anyone? Do I know who she is by what she says or does? Yes, of course, we know others by their words and actions. But I know people by what they don't say, also. Although I must be careful not to give motives or reasons for saying or doing something that exist only in my mind, not theirs. But I can tell if someone is quiet or shy, hurting or happy, stressed or carefree, optimistic or pessimistic. We communicate many of these aspects of our personalities through words and actions, not to mention body language.
Sometimes we communicate ourselves to others more than we think we do. How others view us may be very different from how we view ourselves. It can be a fruitful exercise to try to see yourself through someone else's eyes (if you can). It may tell you something about yourself that even you didn't know.
There are still facets of ourselves that we can withhold from others, be it things we do or what we believe. And those withholdings, that reticence, may not be revealed for years in a relationship. Is this deceptive? No, I think we keep back part of ourselves from certain people for good reasons.
The intimacy of our relationships may be defined by what we withhold even more than by what we reveal. Writing this blog tells you something about me, but certainly not even half of what I think or feel about any given topic. I have to pick and choose what to say and what not to say just like we all do every day in our contacts with people. It requires a degree of discretion and wisdom to know what is good to reveal and what is better to withhold.
Nothing is hidden from God; we do not withhold from Him any part of personalities, even if we think we do or wish we could. But in our human relationships, what you see is what you get, for the most part. How much do others see of you? If someone is not seeing the 'real' you, why not? Or do you reveal too much of yourself--should 'less is more' be your new motto?
Every person is unique; but every person is flawed. We are called to imitate and conform to Jesus, who perfectly revealed himself to us. The sinful parts of our personalities should not reign over us as we see ourselves for who we are in Christ. I know you and you know me in the best way possible, through Christ. That should be the first and foremost part of me that others see. Does everyone you know see Christ in you?
The things both these women communicated to me were personal, life-changing events that shaped who they are and gave a glimpse into what things they hold dear. I can tell you that the hostess loves her family; her short history entailed stories of her children, her husband, her parents, even her grandparents. The 2nd woman gave a glimpse of her marriage to us as she shared a big decision she and her husband made about their family.
Both these women told me more about themselves than what they said in words or stories. I learned a little about each of their personalities as I listened to them share their life, their priorities, their testimony about God and His care for them. I learned that they were 'open' or 'transparent' people.
Today I discovered something about our piano teacher that revealed a secret identity of hers to our family. I am somewhat shocked about what I learned, not because it's awful, but because it gives me a such a different picture of who she is. I thought I knew her; now I feel that what I knew wasn't all there was to know.
I'm sure that can be said for everyone I meet. Who do I really know? How much of herself does a person let me see? I was not nearly as forthcoming with the two women I met yesterday as they were with me. I wondered if I should mention events in my life that were triggered in my mind after hearing their stories. But I didn't. Not because I didn't like them or that I wanted to hide something from them; only because I don't really 'know' them as friends or confidantes.
Maybe that is why our family didn't know the secret identity of our piano teacher. Our relationship with her is a professional, business relationship. I wonder if she didn't tell us about what she does besides teaching piano because she knows enough about us to think it would effect our relationship with her. She really wasn't keeping it a secret; it is just a part of her that she doesn't advertise or broadcast to her piano student families. It gave us a new perspective into who she is.
What do I really know about someone, anyone? Do I know who she is by what she says or does? Yes, of course, we know others by their words and actions. But I know people by what they don't say, also. Although I must be careful not to give motives or reasons for saying or doing something that exist only in my mind, not theirs. But I can tell if someone is quiet or shy, hurting or happy, stressed or carefree, optimistic or pessimistic. We communicate many of these aspects of our personalities through words and actions, not to mention body language.
Sometimes we communicate ourselves to others more than we think we do. How others view us may be very different from how we view ourselves. It can be a fruitful exercise to try to see yourself through someone else's eyes (if you can). It may tell you something about yourself that even you didn't know.
There are still facets of ourselves that we can withhold from others, be it things we do or what we believe. And those withholdings, that reticence, may not be revealed for years in a relationship. Is this deceptive? No, I think we keep back part of ourselves from certain people for good reasons.
The intimacy of our relationships may be defined by what we withhold even more than by what we reveal. Writing this blog tells you something about me, but certainly not even half of what I think or feel about any given topic. I have to pick and choose what to say and what not to say just like we all do every day in our contacts with people. It requires a degree of discretion and wisdom to know what is good to reveal and what is better to withhold.
Nothing is hidden from God; we do not withhold from Him any part of personalities, even if we think we do or wish we could. But in our human relationships, what you see is what you get, for the most part. How much do others see of you? If someone is not seeing the 'real' you, why not? Or do you reveal too much of yourself--should 'less is more' be your new motto?
Every person is unique; but every person is flawed. We are called to imitate and conform to Jesus, who perfectly revealed himself to us. The sinful parts of our personalities should not reign over us as we see ourselves for who we are in Christ. I know you and you know me in the best way possible, through Christ. That should be the first and foremost part of me that others see. Does everyone you know see Christ in you?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
It's all relative
Relationships are difficult. They are also hard work. Sometimes it just doesn't seem the worth the effort. But of course, when things are going well in a relationship, the blessings that one reaps are worth the time, energy, and emotion involved in keeping it healthy and strong. And we, as humans, need relationship.
There are all kinds of relationships. And all of them give us identity. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. Each of these titles means that I have a relationship with someone; they define me in some way. I have relationships with my immediate family, with my extended family, with my church family, with my fellow home school moms, even with my dentist. And each relationship has an unwritten set of rules or expectations. If I don't follow those 'rules', I've broken the relationship or damaged it.
But relationships are not one-sided. It takes two to have a relationship. I can uphold my end of a relationship to the best of my ability by following the rules or expectations, but in the end, if the other person in the relationship does not follow those rules, then our relationship will only go so far. It will wither and eventually die on the vine because it can not only be fed by one person. This means that relationships are conditional; they depend on more than just me.
What is my responsibility in relationships? What are the rules I must follow? What is expected of me? It depends on the kind of relationship. I can only have a relationship with my dentist if I make an appointment, keep it, and she does what I pay her to do competently. I have expectations of how I think I should be treated by her; she expects me to keep coming back to her for treatment (and of course she expects to be paid for her services.) But my relationship with my husband requires much more. It is my most intimate relationship with another person and I must nourish, cherish, and work at it every day in order for it to grow and bear fruit. Again, though, if my husband does not also work at our relationship, it will not be as healthy as it could be. It may fail if only one of us works at it.
The highest 'rule' in a relationship involves trust; we trust each other to make time and to commit to be involved with each other enough to fulfill what we expect to get out of our relationship: love, friendship, encouragement, help--whatever it is that defines how we are related. If that trust is broken by lack of communication, unkindness, or some other kind of separation, then the relationship changes and may not be sustained for long.
I pray frequently that I may be responsible and honorable in all my relationships. I pray that I may be a good wife and mother, a good daughter and sister, a good friend and neighbor. I am sad when my relationships falter because I have not been as committed to them as I ought, or the other person has allowed them to dwindle. I grieve when a relationship that was once healthy and strong shows signs of illness and disease.
I sometimes don't know what to do when a relationship I have with someone falters. I love the people that I have involved time and energy with, who I am related to either by blood, common faith, or common interests. When the desire to keep a relationship healthy and strong is not reciprocated by the other person, what does one do? I don't have the answer to that, except to pray for the relationship, and to not allow resentment, frustration, or anger to rule my heart as I try to accept the outcome.
Even the most important relationship I live for can be dry at times. My relationship with my Father in heaven is secure in the knowledge that He will never leave me or forsake me, and that nothing can separate me from His love. But I can be lukewarm to Him. I can take my love for Him for granted, and get lazy about nurturing and growing closer to Him. And when my relationship to my Lord and Savior is not bearing fruit, then all my earthly relationships suffer, too. I must love God with all my heart, my mind, my soul, my strength before I can love my neighbor.
Some relationships aren't worth the work that may go into them. If a person is rude or selfish every time I interact with her, I naturally will avoid that relationship or may even put an end to it if it I can. But some relationships are here to stay; you cannot stop being a sister, or a daughter, or even a fellow Christian to someone who is a difficult person to like or love. Those difficult relationships remind me that I must in one respect love others unconditionally, just as I am loved by my Father. He loves his children who are unlovely, stained with sin, and constantly failing in relationship with him. So I must also forgive, forget, put hurt feelings or bad experiences behind me and move forward with optimistic hope that my difficult relationships will become easier as the Lord governs them and rules in my life, showing me how to love.
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