Reflections on Motherhood

I've been thinking lately about what is involved in mothering.  So when I read the daily devotion from Elisabeth Elliot today, it impressed me.  She writes of Mary, the mother of Jesus.  She paints a picture of a woman who humbly served our Lord by undergoing a relationship with Him that no other person on earth before or since has had: she mothered Him. I want to share here what Elisabeth Elliot writes:  

  Hers was a hidden life, a faithful one, a holy one--holy in the context of a humble home in a small village where there was not very much diversion. She knew that the ordinary duties were ordained for her as much as the extraordinary way in which they became her assignment. She struck no poses. She was the mother of a baby, willing to be known simply as his mother for the rest of her life. He was an extraordinary baby, the Eternal Word, but His needs were very ordinary, very daily, to his mother. Did she imagine that she deserved to be the chosen mother? Did she see herself as fully qualified? Surely not. Surely not more than any other woman who finds herself endowed with the awesome gift of a child. It is the most humbling experience of a woman's life, the most revealing of her own helplessness. Yet we know this mother, Mary, the humble virgin from Nazareth, as "Most Highly Exalted."
 Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Source: Keep A Quiet Heart (if you want to read the full devotion, you can find it at "Back to the Bible")
A humbling experience, the most humbling experience, the most revealing experience of our helplessness, yet one of the most rewarding experiences a person can have: to be a mother.   I am not mothering any perfect children--sometimes I wish I were--but I can look to Mary as an example of a woman who knew she was serving the Lord her God in the every day routine tasks of serving her children.  She kept silent, she pondered (and prayed) , she marveled at God's goodness and majesty in choosing her, and she was with her Son until His death.  She was faithful to God in the task He entrusted to her; I pray that I can be faithful in the same.

Consistency or Constancy

I am struggling with writing.  I have lots of things in my mind to write, but little time to develop them into a worthy missive. Sometimes I don't even have that much going on in my brain that I would like to put down on paper. And many times I'm just too tired to write or think about writing.  But if I am completely honest, I must admit that I enjoy writing and wish I could do more thinking and reflecting that would lead to a topic for my blog.
Because of a desire to be more consistent in putting thoughts to paper as it were, ( a blog is completely-tree-free) I want to attempt to write shorter but more frequent prose.
My daughter has this ability down-pat.  She writes about her day, posts photos, and tells stories or posts poems.   By reading her blog, one can see a glimpse into what makes her happy, sad, frustrated, or excited. She even posted a blog 'every day for the month of May'.  I won't pretend to aspire to that dedication, but I would like to emulate her by making my posts a little less intimidating to me by writing in a less strict style; with consistency.
Maybe by posting regularly and with greater constancy, my desire to write and post will directly correspond to the time I have to reflect on my day or the topics that interest me.

Do I Know You?

I just met two women whom I have communicated with by email but did not know as live human beings until yesterday afternoon. We had a meeting at one woman's house to discuss upcoming school activities.  The hostess introduced herself and proceeded to tell me and the other woman all about herself.  Not really all about herself--who can do that?--but I learned a great deal about her life in the past year and even longer through a 10-15 minute "let me tell you about myself" conversation. 
      The things both these women communicated to me were personal, life-changing events that shaped who they are and gave a glimpse into what things they hold dear.  I can tell you that the hostess loves her family; her short history entailed stories of her children, her husband, her parents, even her grandparents.  The 2nd woman gave a glimpse of her marriage to us as she shared a big decision she and her husband made about their family.
      Both these women told me more about themselves than what they said in words or stories.  I learned a little about each of their personalities as I listened to them share their life, their priorities, their testimony about God and His care for them.  I learned that they were 'open' or  'transparent' people.  
      Today I discovered something about our piano teacher that revealed a secret identity of hers to our family.  I am somewhat shocked about what I learned, not because it's awful, but because it gives me a such a different picture of who she is.  I thought I knew her; now I feel that what I knew wasn't all there was to know.
     I'm sure that can be said for everyone I meet.  Who do I really know?  How much of herself does a person let me see?  I was not nearly as forthcoming with the two women I met yesterday as they were with me.  I wondered  if I should mention events in my life that were triggered in my mind after hearing their stories.  But I didn't.  Not because I didn't like them or that I wanted to hide something from them; only because I don't really 'know' them as friends or confidantes. 
     Maybe that is why our family didn't know the secret identity of our piano teacher. Our relationship with her is a professional, business relationship.  I wonder if she didn't tell us about what she does besides teaching piano because she knows enough about us to think it would effect our relationship with her.   She really wasn't keeping it a secret; it is just a part of her that she doesn't advertise or broadcast to her piano student families.   It gave us a new perspective into who she is.  
     What do I really know about someone, anyone?  Do I know who she is by what she says or does?  Yes, of course, we know others by their words and actions.  But I know people by what they don't say, also.  Although I must be careful not to give motives or reasons for saying or doing something that exist only in my mind, not theirs.  But I can tell if someone is quiet or shy, hurting or happy, stressed or carefree, optimistic or pessimistic.  We communicate many of these aspects of our personalities through words and actions, not to mention body language.
     Sometimes we communicate ourselves to others more than we think we do.  How others  view us may be very different from how we view ourselves.  It can be a fruitful exercise to try to see yourself through someone else's eyes (if you can).  It may tell you something about yourself that even you didn't know.
     There are still facets of ourselves that we can withhold from others, be it things we do or what we believe.  And those withholdings, that reticence, may not be revealed for years in a relationship.  Is this deceptive?  No, I think we keep back part of ourselves from certain people for good reasons. 
     The intimacy of our relationships may be defined by what we withhold even more than by what we reveal.  Writing this blog tells you something about me, but certainly not even half of what I think or feel about any given topic.  I have to pick and choose what to say and what not to say just like we all do every day in our contacts with people.  It requires a degree of discretion and wisdom to know what is good to reveal and what is better to withhold.
     Nothing is hidden from God; we do not withhold from Him any part of personalities, even if we think we do or wish we could.  But in our human relationships, what you see is what you get, for the most part.  How much do others see of you?  If someone is not seeing the 'real' you, why not?  Or do you reveal too much of yourself--should 'less is more' be your new motto?  
     Every person is unique; but every person is flawed.   We are called to imitate and conform to Jesus, who perfectly revealed himself to us.  The sinful parts of our personalities should not reign over us as we see ourselves for who we are in Christ.  I know you and you know me in the best way possible, through Christ.  That should be the first and foremost part of me that others see.  Does everyone you know see Christ in you?

God cares for You

Difficulties are Proof Contexts

Repeatedly I am asked variations of this question: Did the Lord comfort you or were you sometimes lonely or sad?

 It is not an either-or thing. 

If I had not been lonely and sad at times, how could I have needed, received, or appreciated comfort? 

It is the sick who need the physician, the thirsty who need water.

This is why Paul not only did not deplore his weaknesses, he "gloried" in them, for they provided the very occasions for his appropriating divine help and strength.

It was in prison that Joseph knew the presence of the Lord.

It was in the lion's den that Daniel's faith was proved.

It was in the furnace that Daniel's three friends found themselves accompanied by a fourth.

We have plenty of "proof texts"--but in order to experience their truth we have to be placed in "proof contexts."

The prison, the lion's den, the furnace are where we are shown the realities, incontestably and forever.

---Elisabeth Elliot (excerpt from A Lamp for My Feet)

It's all relative

Relationships are difficult. They are also hard work. Sometimes it just doesn't seem the worth the effort. But of course, when things are going well in a relationship, the blessings that one reaps are worth the time, energy, and emotion involved in keeping it healthy and strong.  And we, as humans, need relationship.

There are all kinds of relationships.  And all of them give us identity.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  Each of these titles means that I have a relationship with someone; they define me in some way.  I have relationships with my immediate family, with my extended family, with my church family, with my fellow home school moms, even with my dentist.  And each relationship has an unwritten set of rules or expectations.  If I don't follow those 'rules', I've broken the relationship or damaged it.  

But relationships are not one-sided.  It takes two to have a relationship.  I can uphold my end of a relationship to the best of my ability by following the rules or expectations, but in the end, if the other person in the relationship does not follow those rules, then our relationship will only go so far.  It will wither and eventually die on the vine because it can not only be fed by one person.  This means that relationships are conditional; they depend on more than just me.  

What is my responsibility in relationships?  What are the rules I must follow?  What is expected of me?  It depends on the kind of relationship.  I can only have a relationship with my dentist if I make an appointment, keep it, and she does what I pay her to do competently.  I have expectations of how I think I should be treated by her; she expects me to keep coming back to her for treatment (and of course she expects to be paid for her services.)  But my relationship with my husband requires much more.  It is my most intimate relationship with another person and I must nourish, cherish, and work at it every day in order for it to grow and bear fruit.  Again, though, if my husband does not also work at our relationship, it will not be as healthy as it could be. It may fail if only one of us works at it.  

The highest 'rule' in a relationship involves trust;  we trust each other to make time and to commit to be involved with each other enough to fulfill what we expect to get out of our relationship: love, friendship, encouragement, help--whatever it is that defines how we are related.  If that trust is broken by lack of communication, unkindness, or some other kind of separation, then the relationship changes and may not be sustained for long. 

I pray frequently that I may be responsible and honorable in all my relationships.  I pray that I may be a good wife and mother, a good daughter and sister, a good friend and neighbor.  I am sad when my relationships falter because I have not been as committed to them as I ought, or the other person has allowed them to dwindle.  I grieve when a relationship that was once healthy and strong shows signs of illness and disease. 

I sometimes don't know what to do when a relationship I have with someone falters.  I love the people that I have involved time and energy with, who I am related to either by blood, common faith, or common interests. When the desire to keep a relationship healthy and strong is not reciprocated by the other person, what does one do?  I don't have the answer to that, except to pray for the relationship, and to not allow resentment, frustration, or anger to rule my heart as I try to accept the outcome. 

Even the most important relationship I live for can be dry at times.  My relationship with my Father in heaven is secure in the knowledge that He will never leave me or forsake me, and that nothing can separate me from His love.  But I can be lukewarm to Him. I can take my love for Him for granted, and get lazy about nurturing and growing closer to Him.  And when my relationship to my Lord and Savior is not bearing fruit, then all my earthly relationships suffer, too.  I must love God with all my heart, my mind, my soul, my strength before I can love my neighbor.  

Some relationships aren't worth the work that may go into them.  If a person is rude or selfish every time I interact with her, I naturally will avoid that relationship or may even put an end to it if it I can.  But some relationships are here to stay; you cannot stop being a sister, or a daughter, or even a fellow Christian to someone who is a difficult person to like or love.  Those difficult relationships remind me that I must in one respect love others unconditionally, just as I am loved by my Father.  He loves his children who are unlovely, stained with sin, and constantly failing in relationship with him.  So I must also forgive, forget, put hurt feelings or bad experiences behind me and move forward with optimistic hope that my difficult relationships will become easier as the Lord governs them and rules in my life, showing me how to love. 

Top Ten

Top Ten Ways to Tell if you are a Procrastinator

10. You said you would follow my blog but this is the first time you've read a blog entry.

9.   Your most dreaded or avoided 'To Do' job is listed as #1 on your daily planner for a month.

8.   You start doing one thing, get interrupted 10 times, start another thing, go back to the first job, stop to answer the phone, get a load of laundry started, get asked a question, make a grocery list, go to the computer to check emails, get interrupted, start lunch,  . . . and never fully complete one task all morning!

7.  You take the frozen chicken out of the freezer when your husband calls to say he's on his way home and start looking up quick cooking recipes.

6. You have a great exercise routine because you don't want to clean your house, or a very clean house because you don't want to do school planning, or a great school day because you don't want to catch up on phone calls, or a challenging reading regimen because you're putting off writing for your blog, or  . . .

5.  You only get 1/2 of your Top Ten list done, but post it anyway.

(More to come tomorrow, I hope!)

Blog, blog, blog!

I will write a blog; I will write a blog; I will write a blog.
I am a procrastinator; I am a procrastinator; I am a procrastinator!
When do I have time?
When do I have time?
When do I have time?
Today, not tomorrow.
Today  not tomorrow.
Today, not tomorrow.
What will I write?
What will I write?
What will I write?
I'll write what I think; I'll write what I think about; I'll write what I think about day by day.
It won't be perfect; it will be just me.
It won't be a work of art; it will be real.
I want to do better; I want to encourage;
I want to express myself, to communicate.
I want to write, write, write!